Catch Up Post!

I haven't written very much lately, which is silly because I have things to write.

Some things I've been doing:

1. I went to the Long Beach Aquarium and fell head over heels in love with a deep sea isopod. It's just SO cute, like a scaly kitten. I bet it likes hugs.

2. I went to Catalina Island for a day, and had the BEST time because I got to be on a boat. I LOVE being on a boat and I spend every second being thrilled and leaning way over the guardrail. I got the craziest boat hair. Full of tangles!

3. I'm being courted by a very nice man named Alexander who calls me Princess and let me name his new truck Potato.

4. I finished the Queen of Egypt book series by Michelle Moran. Actually, I think only Nefertiti and The Heretic Queen were companion books. Cleopatra's Daughter didn't seem to be- and it was also the weakest of the three, even though it was really good. I think what I'll read next is Poison Study and its two sequels.

The ear saga continues...

I wrote about my watery ear and how it hurt and how FUCK WON'T SOMEONE JUST MAKE IT STOP? And lo, it did not just magically drain itself and so I had to use wax softeners which was painful and made a crackling sound. And my ear wax melted and drained out and I had to be careful not to get it all over my loved ones because it was STICKY. So that happened for four days, and then I had to use a giant syringe of warm water to flush out my remaining chunks of ear wax and I'm writing about it because I'm the most alluring thing on earth.

But then... oh! It felt like there was water stuck in my goddamn ear ALL OVER AGAIN. So I used the Swim Ear drops and it burned and hurt and I felt like I was going to pass out from the pain, which hasn't stopped, and now I'm just going to leave my ear alone.

I've been kept company by The Other Boleyn Girl, and a new book that is eerily similar to The Other Boleyn Girl- Nefertiti by Michelle Moran. I've been in the mood for books about cunning women. All the best books are about cunning women, in my opinion.

I (h)ate everything.

Last night I made a decision that I didn't want to make and don't want to stick with, but I have to. Then I went and tried to eat enough to fill the gaping hole where my heart used to be. And then I woke up with heartburn. OH HOW THE COMEDY PRACTICALLY WRITES ITSELF. Also, there's water in my ears that won't come out, and I want someone to just suction it out for me, and I never sleep because of the all-night horrorshow I'm fortunate enough to experience in my dreams and that's catching up with me. My god, I'm just so sick of my watery ears. Apparently nothing bad can happen, even though I was freaking out last night that I wouldn't get it out before infection set in and I'd go deaf. I'm pretty sure that clawing at my ears was bad for them, though. I'd like to channel my whining into writing, but I have terrible PMS and I'm dead inside, so that seems like a pipe dream.

I watched The Walking Dead and it was mildly scarring because it's really a scary show, but also really fucking sad. Like, those zombies? They're dead. They had lives and families and now they don't, and I wonder if it hurts and if they're just hungry and in pain all the time, with no way to stop it and no idea WHY this is happening to them. And it's upsetting because it's NOT and us vs. them kind of situation- everyone on that show is the victim of a horrible tragedy. Also, this is why I'm no fun to watch zombie things with, because it makes me sad and upset for everyone, even the people who shamble around decaying and looking for food.

Toxic

Last night I backcombed the hell out of my hair (because it looks best when I've damaged it horribly). Didn't take it down when I went to bed, and then today I went swimming in a saltwater pool, so basically I have a huge salty matted mass at the back of my head.

I also did a lot of thinking. Some of the hardest things I've ever had to do were deciding not to talk to someone, either temporarily or permanently- but you know that even if you say "It's not forever", there's a chance it will be. I don't like not talking to someone, or not returning texts or reminding myself that no, I am NOT going to call. I remember when I was younger, if someone was being an ass, my mom would tell me not to talk to them, and I could never make myself. As I've gotten older, I've realized that my mom was right, and sometimes, it really is the best way.

Being right doesn't make it easier. I'm not someone who connects easily, so when I find someone who, for whatever reason, I connect to, I don't want to let them go.

But what if that's the best option?

Happy Fourth! (Fifth??) I saw fireworks! I'm like a firework with my short fuse and explosive personality. Today I realized that I'm not single because of my looks, it's 100% my personality. I'm kind of an acquired taste or... god, can you even acquire a taste for honey and rattlesnake venom?

I was mean to someone I care about (even though every single nerve I have is set on FIRE just from admitting that I care). I feel pretty justified right about now, but I'd bet I feel differently when I get up in the morning. I usually do. I don't like being cruel, like really cruel, not just bitchy and snappy like I often am. It means that my feelings or my pride or something was hurt and I'm just lashing out. It's not the right response. It isn't mature or really even in line with my code of ethics. It's not even something I usually do.

Usually, I just say goodbye in my head and walk away.

I do that when I feel like someone isn't worth my anger, or the effort it would take to explain or try to repair the damage between us. When I don't care to lash out, when I don't want to let any additional venom out into the world, because cruelty poisons the well we all drink from. Being a scumbag is bad for EVERYONE, and when you mistreat someone, they take it with them and it affects them, even if they don't know it. So, no, being vicious is not my first choice. But sometimes it's unavoidable, when I don't want to say my silent farewells; when I don't want to move on without looking back.

DOME

I like that show Under the Dome, which is about a town trapped under a DOME, of all things. I like how during the first episode, everyone kept saying it was like a wall or a fishbowl, because apparently no one knows how a fucking fishbowl works. If it's upside down, you've read the instructions incorrectly. But I digress, and I'll get back to talking about how annoying I am to watch TV with, because every time someone mentioned a thing that WASN'T a dome, I corrected them.

And now, during the second episode, no one can stop saying the word "dome", and y'all, I get SO EXCITED every single time. Someone even used the exact phrase "under the dome" and I was like I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. Because they are UNDER THE DOME and the title is UNDER THE DOME and dome doesn't even look like a word anymore. I barely recognize it as a thing. It's more like an abstract concept, like religion or Australia. Like, I know it's there, but sometimes I have a really hard time believing in it.

1. I saw World War Z! The zombies were particularly disturbing because they sound and act like birds of prey. Birds are frightening, even when they aren't zombies. The movie was VERY different than the book, but that's pretty okay with me. I don't require my movies to be the exact same as the source material, because if I wanted something the exact same, I'd just reread the book.

2. Big Brother 15 started, and these people are some of the dumbest I've ever come across. I do not think they're edited to seem dumb, which is actually really depressing. You see, back in the day, people on reality shows often had somewhat interesting personalities. That's why they're called television "personalities". They would have weird habits and sometimes they'd even have career aspirations beyond "acting". They'd be able to come up with decent strategies and be capable of discussing something beyond cute boys. I can't believe I'm actually mourning the death of semi-intelligent reality TV, but really, I just wanna watch something besides a bunch of bros talking about their abs.

3. It's been so hot here that it's REALLY hard to go out and get some exercise, which is bad for business. I do a lot better when I'm active. So I'm going to try to go for a walk tonight and hope it's cool enough to avoid spontaneously combusting.