Happy Fourth! (Fifth??) I saw fireworks! I'm like a firework with my short fuse and explosive personality. Today I realized that I'm not single because of my looks, it's 100% my personality. I'm kind of an acquired taste or... god, can you even acquire a taste for honey and rattlesnake venom?
I was mean to someone I care about (even though every single nerve I have is set on FIRE just from admitting that I care). I feel pretty justified right about now, but I'd bet I feel differently when I get up in the morning. I usually do. I don't like being cruel, like really cruel, not just bitchy and snappy like I often am. It means that my feelings or my pride or something was hurt and I'm just lashing out. It's not the right response. It isn't mature or really even in line with my code of ethics. It's not even something I usually do.
Usually, I just say goodbye in my head and walk away.
I do that when I feel like someone isn't worth my anger, or the effort it would take to explain or try to repair the damage between us. When I don't care to lash out, when I don't want to let any additional venom out into the world, because cruelty poisons the well we all drink from. Being a scumbag is bad for EVERYONE, and when you mistreat someone, they take it with them and it affects them, even if they don't know it. So, no, being vicious is not my first choice. But sometimes it's unavoidable, when I don't want to say my silent farewells; when I don't want to move on without looking back.