Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Return of the List

- I looked at one of those birthday books- the ones that SUPER SCIENTIFICALLY use your birthdate to predict your future. It said I never fall in love at first sight, and upon reading that, I laughed forever.

- I watched one of those ghost shows. I love them because GHOSTS but hate them because, fuck, every late night noise is a ghost who wants to eat me I JUST KNOW IT. Anyway, the lady with a haunted house basically said, "Well, when we bought the house, we knew about the cemetary behind it but I figured that at least no one would build there" because live neighbors are way worse than decomposing bodies in your backyard. Then later she finds something in her backyard and she's like, "It looked like a woman's pelvic bone" as if finding human remains on your property is totally normal. ONLY IF YOU PUT THEM THERE. And actually, why do these people keep living in houses with ghosts/bodies/mummy babies? Because I'd just leave and never, ever come back. As it is, I once saw a huge spider outside my front door, and I was pretty much ready to move.

- These turtles are just out of control, honestly. They're giving me anxiety, because I'm all kinds of worried that they're going to escape, or, like, DIE and I have to touch worms (and I will never, ever shut up about worms now) and they really seem to hate me. And one of them is always in the corner, being really unappreciative of the worms I give him.

- This weekend I'm house sitting near where this guy I was interested in for like a minute lives, and I texted a friend to ask if I should ring him. She asked if he was terrible. "Not even that terrible!" I said, then promptly sat down and thought about my choices. Ha. Kidding! I accepted "not that terrible" as okay.

- When I was a kid, my mom's friend had a bare spot in her yard, and I thought it was a BEAR spot, and no one could convince me otherwise, so I was TERRIFIED of her yard, because BEARS. Leaving SPOTS. This is irrelevent, but I was in my own yard today and all of a sudden, I was like "Remember the BEAR SPOT?" And I think when I have children, I'm going to tell them that bare spots are caused by bears because a healthy fear of bears in your backyard is something I can get behind. Or maybe I'll just tell them that the bare spots are there because there aren't enough dead bodies acting as fertilizer. I bet serial killers have the BEST yards.

No comments:

Post a Comment