Teal, Dear

- I'm being such a PILL. I keep writing posts and trashing them because I'm reading them in this shrill voice. Not MY voice, even though I've been called shrill before. I suspect that's less about my actual voice, and more about how I endlessly harass all my favorite people about everything.

- It occurs to me that Scarlett O'Hara got to pal around with Rhett Butler and save Tara, and all Melanie Hamilton got was dead. Granted, you don't LIVE with Rhett- he's only there to buy you hats and make you feel charmingly vapid- but even so, better to be all bent out of shape over Rhett than devoted to Ashley Wilkes, who goes around kissing your sister-in-law and lacking character. And then, like, dying. In short? Being a bitchy opportunist will KEEP YOU ALIVE.

- Earlier all those turtles ate their own worms and no one fought. Hating me was kept to a minimum, even. Although the bird did SCREAM at me for trying to watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Eventually I gave up and let him watch cartoons.

- So Cat Marnell is writing for Vice now. I read her debut- I still love her writing, I love that she isn't as cleaned up as she was for xojane/SAY Media, but I'm not sure I'm loving that the entire focus of her column seems to be self-destruction? Even though, I get it- I deleted an entire blog because it was basically becoming a tribute to my self-destructive urges- when you're in a certain place, it's hard to talk about anything else. If she never writes about beauty again, I'll be so sad- I wasn't so into the "getting healthy" parts of her story, but when she talked about being awful BUT EYELINER MADE IT BETTER, I really responded to that. But also? Mostly anything I read that isn't an actual book, I read for fashion/beauty, which is shallow and I just really don't even give a fuck.

- Actually, I also like to read about ghosts and finding dead stuff. And taxidermy. I do love taxidermy. I'd pursue it as a hobby, but I don't live alone, and I think I'd be upset if someone brought corpses into the house and I wasn't allowed to play with them or anything. And, like, I don't really like to share, so I'd wind up wanting my OWN corpses and I'd have to get extras so that no one would touch MY SPECIAL DEAD THINGS and I don't even know where I'd be keeping all these bodies. I suppose I could get them their own freezer, but now I'm buying freezers AND spare corpses and this is all before taxidermy supplies. MONEY DOESN'T GROW ON TREES, YOU KNOW. You'd think there would just be dead things all over the damn place, just WAITING to be preserved, but not even. I can't believe that people pay for bottled water AND dead bodies, like water and dying aren't free. CONSUMERISM. *shakes fist*