Angst

Angst is defined as a feeling of anxiety, apprehension, or insecurity.

To me, angst feels a lot more like enthusiastic despair or melancholic anger. It feels like the world is too bright and too loud, like everyone just needs to maintain a distance of at least three feet and use their "inside voices", like I just need some quiet time because my head hurts and there's never time to cry properly and life is moving at a horribly uneven pace, where things are happening too fast and too slow. I feel like being mean and lashing out. I feel like writing horror stories full of characters that everyone but me will love, just so I can fuck them over. I feel like being spiteful. I feel like hating everything.

I feel like apologizing when I've been too mean. I feel like sending out cards- "Sorry I've been vile!" I feel like sucking the poison out and having a cupcake and going for a walk and listening to something happy and feeling like myself.

It hasn't been possible today. Today I've been a vicious, whiny, irritable, overemotional mess. Maybe it's hormonal. Maybe I'm just having an off day.

If I could shed it like a silk nightgown, I would.