Thursday, June 6, 2013

This one's for you, wherever you are

Like three years ago, I bought a corset that JUST BARELY fit, and then I gained a bunch of weight that didn't come off until recently, because I eat maybe once a day and I take a lot of walks. But being nauseas all the time* has a plus side, because the corset fits! FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I BOUGHT IT. My jeans fit too, which basically means I'm reasonably satisfied with my body, even though I do want to lose more weight. I bet that super pretty retro bathing suit I got last summer fits too. I wore it once and now I have no pool, and I can't even sunbathe because I'm so alarmingly pale. Like "can't use camera flash" pale, because my skin reflects light and I look like a ghost. Sometimes I get interested in sunbathing, but what will that even do to my skin in the long run?! I don't actually burn easily, but I'm paranoid about sun damage causing premature aging. REALLY PARANOID. I carry a parasol and wear a giant hat if I'll be in the sun long.

Also, I packed up all the things my ex gave me and put them away, because at least then they aren't on my nightstand. It was weird, but less weird than looking over every morning and seeing a Valentine's card from him next to the remains of my dead cat. So now it's just my cat that's on my nightstand. And my body lotion. I'm not really sure that I'm doing any of this right, kind of like how I wasn't sure I was doing things right when I started dating him, or when things got more serious, or any of it- but I have to do what feels right. Sometimes that's the hardest thing to do, because doing what feels right often also feels like doing what requires a lot of justification. I've been analyzing this stuff a lot in my "pre-writing" phase.

Ooh, so this is way less hideously personal, but earlier I went for a walk and this guy and his 10-ish year old daughter had these two HUGE dogs and were kinda just hanging around this path. I suspect they were waiting for me to leave (incidentally, I was waiting for THEM to leave, because people need to fucking quit it with their dogs**). And then I notice that the dog the guy has, the bigger dog, was off the leash and GROWLING... at someone's fence, because the guy was kind of making the dog stay by the fence? I don't even know; it seemed like a socialization thing, but possibly also a creepy-ass dude thing.

*I suspect I'm nauseas because instead of saying things like, "Why, YES, a salad and grilled fish sounds delightful!" I want stuff like hot wings and oreos. And also soda.

**I don't hate dogs, but people in my area seem to really not give a shit about keeping them confined. Like there's this Chihuahua that I had to chase out of my house the day I moved in and this other dog that's basically leash-free all the time. And like I said, I don't hate dogs, but I'm definitely afraid of them, and I've had experiences that make that fear seem WAY more sane than not being afraid; but even if you don't give a shit about my fears, you should care about your beloved family pet wandering into the street or a pack of coyotes, or fucking up and biting someone and having to be put down. I'm very passionate about this and so I sound like a PSA, but please, keep your pets where they belong. It absolutely IS your fault and SHOULD be considered abuse/neglect if your "free range" domesticated animal gets itself killed because it was wandering.

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